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A Matter of Honor Book 3: Love and Honor Chapter 12: Another Breakthrough Things remained quiet for a while, both at school and on the Malfoy front, and Severus and Hermione settled into a new routine. Actually, it was the same routine, with the addition of some time together in Severus's rooms a couple of evenings a week, as work allowed. Usually they would read together on the sofa (he had finally stopped protesting when she put her feet in his lap)--they had made a rule that nothing work-related was allowed--and then wind up talking for a while before she left for her own bed. Once or twice, they had started a game of chess, but she knew enough to tell within the first five moves that she was doomed, and they never finished. On the one hand, she worried about what it meant that they were moving so slowly, but on the other hand, they were in no rush, and she enjoyed simply being with him, getting to know him (after all), and having the chance to relax. She had always known he was sarcastic, with a keen sense of irony, but she had never realized how witty he was. Amazing. She loved Severus Snape's sense of humor. By the end of November, they were ready to test what they believed was--finally--a short-term protective potion against the Cruciatus curse. Human subjects were out of the question (Snape had volunteered himself, but Hermione steadfastly refused--besides, she said, adding the logical argument to the emotional, he was the one who had to cast the spell, because they couldn't ask somebody else to do it), so they were going to use an animal. Hermione was beside herself, insisting that it could be nothing with fur. She finally agreed on a toad, but only if it was not the same color as Trevor. She had almost reached the limits of Snape's patience with the mention of Neville Longbottom. They had also written to the Ministry of Magic, at Severus's insistence, for permission to cast the spell. Technically, since they would not be casting it on a human, it was legal. Barely. Snape, however, refused to allow room for any claim of unprofessional practice; Hermione suspected that he was still concerned that having his name on the project would cause her trouble in the future. "Close your eyes, if you can't bear to watch," Snape snapped. They had been working into the wee hours of the morning for three nights in a row, double-checking all of their calculations and brewing a new batch of the potion with fresh, pure ingredients. ("And I thought I was meticulous," Hermione had muttered to herself.) This was it, and their nerves were on edge. She settled for glaring at him in response, and gave the unnamed toad the carefully calculated dose. Moving back, she made certain he could see that she was not closing her eyes. "Crucio!" Snape commanded. And nothing happened. He tried a few more times, but the toad just sat there. Hermione squealed and threw her arms around his neck. "We did it! I can't believe we did it!" Snape tried to keep her from jumping up and down quite so much, as she still had him in a choke hold, while the unnamed toad leaped to the floor.
"Miss Granger, I cannot tell you how thrilled I am that you and Severus have finally solved this potion!" Albus Dumbledore beamed at Hermione, insisting that she have another lemon drop. "It is a remarkable achievement. I know how long you have worked for this, and I commend you on your dedication." Hermione blushed; she was already smiling. "I trust," the Headmaster said, with a knowing smile, "that this will not be the last success we shall see from you and Severus working together?" She ignored the smile. "Well, we had thought to finish Professor Snape's work on the Wolfsbane Potion, if at all possible, and will return to researching Imperius as well." "Excellent!" He clapped his hands together. "That deserves another lemon drop!" As Hermione accepted a candy from the dish, he said, "I have something to discuss with you concerning next semester, Professor, though I was hesitant to do so when you were still so engrossed in the last stages of your project." "What is it?" she asked, a bit nervous. "You know, Miss Granger, that we were unable to offer Ancient Runes this term." She nodded; the subject's former professor had retired at the end of the previous year, and they had yet to find a replacement. "While I believe I may have found a full-time faculty member for the position, he cannot start until the next school year. I would hate to keep interested students from taking the subject for a full year, however, so I had thought to ask you if you might consider teaching first-level Runes only, for the spring term. It would be two sections, and I know it wasn't your specialty…" Hermione actually interrupted the Headmaster. "I would love to, Sir. I didn't take Runes in college, but as you know I completed all but the last level of the series at Hogwarts. I could certainly teach the first-level course." Dumbledore smiled. "Excellent! You should speak to Minerva about the arrangements--textbook requests, curriculum, etc.--before finals. Another lemon drop?"
Hermione stuck her head in through the open office door. "Knock-knock," she said, "I heard there might be hot chocolate available for weary professors?" Remus looked up from his grading and smiled in greeting. "Come in!" he said. "It's been ages! Though I hear you've been busy--huge success, and all." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes. But I've taken time out of my busy schedule of celebrations to come and visit and old friend. How have you been?" Remus handed her a cup and sat back down. "Oh, can't complain. Well, I could, of course, but it's the usual stuff. How about you? I imagine you're facing a mountain of grading now that you've finished that other little task." "Actually," she said, "I managed to keep up with it fairly well while we were working--waiting for things to simmer and all that. Though Severus wasn't too happy the time I let something boil over because I was trying to finish marking an essay." She didn't notice his reaction to her use of Snape's first name. "No, I imagine not," he said thoughtfully. "And how is…Snape? I can't imagine he's been in a very good mood, what with the hours you've been keeping." She sipped. "Oh, no, he's fine. I mean, a little tetchy, but you get used to it." It dawned on her, then, what Remus was driving at. "Remus," she said, fixing him with a look, "are you trying to ask me about my relationship with Snape?" He chuckled. "Yes, I am. After that night in the infirmary, the two of you seemed to carry on as usual--and then, with this eminent breakthrough, you've been working around the clock. I just wondered…well, if you'd told him what you told me that night. That you…couldn't do without him." Hermione blushed at her words handed back to her. She trusted Remus, but he hadn't been completely thrilled with the idea of her possible relationship with Severus when he'd asked her this question before. She sighed, and braced herself for his response. "I love him, Remus. And he loves me. I can't imagine life without him. He is…what I've always wanted. I just didn't know it until recently." After a moment, Remus smiled. He said, almost wistfully it seemed to her, "Then I'm happy for you." His tone shifted. "And I'm amazed, frankly, that you could keep the news from Sprout and Pomfrey for this long." She laughed. "Yes, well, it helps that Severus Snape is not one for…public displays of affection?" She quirked an eyebrow, glad to be back on safer, sarcastic ground. He laughed, but there was something in his face that told Hermione he wasn't saying everything. "Remus, I…" she fought to find the right words, "I know that you…that you didn't…or don't…completely approve--that you worry. You said before…" "I said before that I would be happy for the both of you, even if I believed he didn't deserve you," Remus finished. "And he doesn't. But I don't worry. Not any more." Hermione looked at him, a little confused. "I was afraid that he would hurt you--reject you. It's clear that's not the case. I was worried that a working partnership with him would cause people to look at your work differently than they might otherwise. From the Ministry's response to your success, it seems that is also not the case." He stopped, and smiled--a little sheepishly, she thought. "I need to confess something, Hermione." At the look on her face, he said, "Don't worry; it's not too bad. At least…I hope you'll agree that it's not too bad." He rose and walked to the window. "I…I would never have thought that there was anything…personal…between you and Snape before Halloween night, except that I…well, you so audibly gasped as you opened that letter, I turned to see what was wrong and I…accidentally read the opening lines." "What…a letter?" Hermione didn't know what he was talking about. "About…snogging the teacher," he said, more loudly than he intended. Hermione flushed crimson, and she wasn't sure if it was more anger or embarrassment. She decided it was the latter. "So…so you asked me what was going on because…because you thought I was heartsick over the man, or because you thought he was seducing me and would then leave me flat once he'd gotten what he wanted?" She was trying to joke, but the look on Remus's face as he turned back to her told her she hadn't completely succeeded. "Remus, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean…" "The thing is," he said, looking away again, "I…. The thing is, I didn't put it together completely until later that day--and then I was certain of it in the staff meeting. When he crossed to sit next to you, all of the pieces fell into place. It suddenly made sense. I had thought…for a minute I thought…but no, I knew it couldn't have been." Now she was completely lost. "You thought what?" Remus sat, sighed deeply, and dove in. "I thought, for a minute, that the letter might be about me." Hermione's mouth fell open. "I…I…" "No, it's all right," he explained, rather more quickly than was necessary, "I…that is to say, I didn't hope it was about me, or expect it to be. There was a time, back when we got the news of the first attack, when I visited you at Christmas…the thought crossed my mind that I would very much like to be the one you turned to during all of that. And…well, I guess I was always fond of you. But that was the first time I had seen you not as a student. I never had the chance--never made the chance…to see what you…" He trailed off. Hermione had sat in astonishment through his explanation, and it finally registered. "Oh, Remus, I had no idea! I never thought…if I ever said anything that made you think…" Remus shook his head, smiling now. "No, no. You never did. And I promise you, I have not been pining away for you, lo these many months. The point is…my…caution…about Snape was, in part…based in those feelings. I'm ashamed to say." Hermione let out a nervous laugh. "Remus, I care about you--so much. You are my best friend at Hogwarts now. But don't tell Minerva." He smiled. "I…I don't know what to say. I'm sorry?" He leaned towards her, crossing his arms on the desk. "Hermione, I care about you too. But I promise, I am not in love with you. And I'm happy for you. I really am. But promise me one thing?" "Anything." "Don't ever tell Severus." They both laughed.
Hermione wasn't completely sure she believed Remus. If he had only had a fleeting thought of interest in her, why was it so important for him to come clean now? Maybe she was making too much of it. He was really only trying to apologize for that last conversation, and tell her that he didn't worry about her being with Snape. "Men…" she muttered, picking Crookshanks up off the floor and sitting down with him in the green chair. "You'd think I'd understand them better by now."
The start of December saw the first snowfall, as well as the next Gryffindor Quidditch match. They were playing Hufflepuff, so Hermione wasn't worried about their chances. Slytherin had won their match against Hufflepuff in record time, Snape reminded her over breakfast. Before she could offer an appropriate retort, Professor Sprout had taken the bait and they spent the rest of the meal discussing the ill-fated recent history of the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Hermione was grateful when the mail came. Sprout was so vehement in her argument that any other conversation was impossible. Hermione had learned that this was Snape's primary mealtime tactic: wind up another professor (or two) so that they'd talk non-stop, and he wouldn't have to add anything of consequence to the conversation. She had just begun to pet Mordred (the first time she'd done that at the table she'd earned astonished looks all around) when another owl landed in front of her plate. "Hedwig!" she exclaimed, surprised and pleased to see Harry's owl. As Hedwig dropped an envelope on the table, Mordred turned his head around to scowl at her (Hermione swore that owl could replicate all of his Master's expressions).
She had held out a piece of toast for Hedwig to munch on while she was reading; now she smiled at the snowy owl. "Can you stick around? I'll write a quick response right after breakfast." Hedwig hooted and moved to sit closer to Remus, while Mordred fluttered up to sit on the back of his Master's chair.
After a morning of grading--and a quick note to Harry--Hermione gathered her cloak, gloves, and scarf and headed to the dungeons. "Are you ready? We'll be late," she called as she entered the classroom. Severus came to the door of the office. "This came in the morning mail," he said, and held it out to her. She laid her things over a desk in the front row and took it from him. It was a note from the Editor of Ars Alchemica, asking them for exclusive publishing rights to their work on Cruciatus. As she finished, Snape said, "Word travels fast. Of course, writing the thing will be a nightmare. The Ministry won't want the details of the formula published, at least not at first, and…" "Oh for Pete's sake," Hermione interrupted, pulling on her cloak. "I'm thrilled, but this can wait for later. After all, there's a Quidditch match on, and we're going to be late." "Hmm. Pardon me for forgetting my priorities for a minute," Severus said, matching her tone and putting her Gryffindor scarf around her neck before giving her a kiss.
That night as they sat by the fire, with Hermione nestled in close, Severus asked, "Was that note from Potter this morning about Christmas?" "Hmm," she murmured, finally warm again after the bitter cold of the Quidditch stands. "You haven't told me your plans for the holiday," he noted. Hermione sighed. "I'm staying here. I think I may try to go to Mywoods for an afternoon sometime between Christmas and New Year's. Harry's going to be at Sirius's for a few days, and maybe Ron, so I'll visit there. But mostly, I'll stay here with you, if you'll have me." She smiled up at him, but he was serious. "What is it?" He looked down at her. "You aren't going to see your parents, then?" Hermione straightened up, and he shifted his arm to the back of the sofa. "I told them I was staying here." His eyebrow lifted. "I know, I know. I should go visit. I just…I want this Christmas to be happy. It's about time. And…well, they're not happy with me, as you know." Still no response. She sighed. "Are you going to try to convince me to go because they're my family and they love me?" "No," he said, gazing again into the fire. "I just wondered if things were any better for you where they were concerned. You hadn't mentioned them in a while." "Besides," she said, snuggling up to him again, "everyone else I love will be here. And that feels more important to me just now."
A/N: This chapter holds an homage to the opening lines of The Coachwhip.
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